Microsoft

I have, for the longest time, been afraid of Apple or Macintosh computers. It just looked scary because they don't have a "Start" button! What did they just simply expect me to know what icon I was clicking on on the desktop? How could anyone want to buy such a confusing thing? Well a couple of years ago, I was at my cousins house, and they happened to have an Apple Computer. After we had dinner I figured I'd just go on and update some things on Myspace and check mail. I didn't think much of it. It was just so simple, I was on and off within seconds! I look back on that experience now with such a longing...

Now I am sitting, exiled to my mother's office computer because my other microsoft computer decided it just didn't want to work. It esspecially hated running Apple products. I recieved an Ipod for my birthday, and to sync music to it, I have to use Itunes. Itunes is pretty well organized and it has a lot of good things to purchase from it. It plays videos better than Windows Media player, not to mention I can sync all my scheduling stuff all from itunes. Its a great product! Well windows doesn't like it. So I download this audio book for English from Itunes and I'm syncing it to my Ipod, and just as it completes, Windows restarts. So I try it again, from the begining... booting it up, waiting three hundred years just to see the start bar and then waiting for Windows to decide it finally wants to listen to me and start up iTunes. Finally when I get it syncing again, the system restards. Well being stupid and falling for Microsoft's practical jokes, I repeat this process about four times.

Well then I decide, there must just be too many viruses on this blasted computer. Viruses are, after all, notorious on Windows computers. In fact this one that I am on, you can just hear the viruses at work in the hard drive, its constantly trying to clear its mind just to think. In fact this computer is so dumb it wont let me post pictures on this blog. So if this is boring, blame Microsoft - Not me.... Anway, I decide to practically revamp the entire computer, and just reinstall windows XP. Well, I start going through some sort of repair sequence and then it asks me for the product key and I type it in. Apparently, it doesn't accept THAT product key. So I now have half of Windows XP installed on my computer, and now it wont start unless I give the computer god the right product key sacrifice it wants.

So I call Microsoft, after laboriously searching for their number. May I say, none of their technical support helpers spoke complete english, even though they thought they did. The first lady tells me the product key is on the CPU inside the computer... I didn't believe that, so she gave me to her supervisor. For some reason or another, this guy decided my name was Micheal, but I decided not to correct him. He told me all I had to do was tell him the product key number and then he'd be able to help me install it. So I give it to him and he tells me its valid... but if I want it installed I'm going to have to pay him $165 to purchase some Anti-virus thing and some name of something else I'd never even heard of. So I call another branch of Microsoft with the same result except that it was only $65-95 or higher depending on other problems it has. For some reason if I had Windows 7, they said I would not have to pay these fees. So their basically just punishing me for being satisfied with their first product. So now Im tearing my hair out, using this computer, but whenever I use Itunes its a breath of fresh air.

Well, that's that. Microsoft hates satisfied customers and Apple is just satisfaction garunteed. What really gets me, is that Bill Gates even had problems with his own company after he retired from Microsoft, heres his e-mail about his experience:

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—- Original Message —-
From: Bill GatesSent: Wednesday, January 15, 2003 10:05 AMTo: Jim AllchinCc: Chris Jones (WINDOWS); Bharat Shah (NT); Joe Peterson; Will Poole; Brian Valentine; Anoop Gupta (RESEARCH)Subject: Windows Usability Systematic degradation flame

I am quite disappointed at how Windows Usability has been going backwards and the program management groups don’t drive usability issues.
Let me give you my experience from yesterday.
I decided to download (Moviemaker) and buy the Digital Plus pack … so I went to Microsoft.com. They have a download place so I went there.
The first 5 times I used the site it timed out while trying to bring up the download page. Then after an 8 second delay I got it to come up.
This site is so slow it is unusable.
It wasn’t in the top 5 so I expanded the other 45.
These 45 names are totally confusing. These names make stuff like: C:Documents and SettingsbillgMy DocumentsMy Pictures seem clear.
They are not filtered by the system … and so many of the things are strange.
I tried scoping to Media stuff. Still no moviemaker. I typed in movie. Nothing. I typed in movie maker. Nothing.
So I gave up and sent mail to Amir saying – where is this Moviemaker download? Does it exist?
So they told me that using the download page to download something was not something they anticipated.
They told me to go to the main page search button and type movie maker (not moviemaker!).
I tried that. The site was pathetically slow but after 6 seconds of waiting up it came.
I thought for sure now I would see a button to just go do the download.
In fact it is more like a puzzle that you get to solve. It told me to go to Windows Update and do a bunch of incantations.
This struck me as completely odd. Why should I have to go somewhere else and do a scan to download moviemaker?
So I went to Windows update. Windows Update decides I need to download a bunch of controls. (Not) just once but multiple times where I get to see weird dialog boxes.
Doesn’t Windows update know some key to talk to Windows?
Then I did the scan. This took quite some time and I was told it was critical for me to download 17megs of stuff.
This is after I was told we were doing delta patches to things but instead just to get 6 things that are labeled in the SCARIEST possible way I had to download 17meg.
So I did the download. That part was fast. Then it wanted to do an install. This took 6 minutes and the machine was so slow I couldn’t use it for anything else during this time.
What the heck is going on during those 6 minutes? That is crazy. This is after the download was finished.
Then it told me to reboot my machine. Why should I do that? I reboot every night — why should I reboot at that time?
So I did the reboot because it INSISTED on it. Of course that meant completely getting rid of all my Outlook state.
So I got back up and running and went to Windows Update again. I forgot why I was in Windows Update at all since all I wanted was to get Moviemaker.
So I went back to Microsoft.com and looked at the instructions. I have to click on a folder called WindowsXP. Why should I do that? Windows Update knows I am on Windows XP.
What does it mean to have to click on that folder? So I get a bunch of confusing stuff but sure enough one of them is Moviemaker.
So I do the download. The download is fast but the Install takes many minutes. Amazing how slow this thing is.
At some point I get told I need to go get Windows Media Series 9 to download.
So I decide I will go do that. This time I get dialogs saying things like “Open” or “Save”. No guidance in the instructions which to do. I have no clue which to do.
The download is fast and the install takes 7 minutes for this thing.
So now I think I am going to have Moviemaker. I go to my add/remove programs place to make sure it is there.
It is not there.
What is there? The following garbage is there. Microsoft Autoupdate Exclusive test package, Microsoft Autoupdate Reboot test package, Microsoft Autoupdate testpackage1. Microsoft AUtoupdate testpackage2, Microsoft Autoupdate Test package3.
Someone decided to trash the one part of Windows that was usable? The file system is no longer usable. The registry is not usable. This program listing was one sane place but now it is all crapped up.
But that is just the start of the crap. Later I have listed things like Windows XP Hotfix see Q329048 for more information. What is Q329048? Why are these series of patches listed here? Some of the patches just things like Q810655 instead of saying see Q329048 for more information.
What an absolute mess.
Moviemaker is just not there at all.
So I give up on Moviemaker and decide to download the Digital Plus Package.
I get told I need to go enter a bunch of information about myself.
I enter it all in and because it decides I have mistyped something I have to try again. Of course it has cleared out most of what I typed.
I try (typing) the right stuff in 5 times and it just keeps clearing things out for me to type them in again.
So after more than an hour of craziness and making my programs list garbage and being scared and seeing that Microsoft.com is a terrible website I haven’t run Moviemaker and I haven’t got the plus package.
The lack of attention to usability represented by these experiences blows my mind. I thought we had reached a low with Windows Network places or the messages I get when I try to use 802.11. (don’t you just love that root certificate message?)
When I really get to use the stuff I am sure I will have more feedback.

- Bill Gates
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I don't mean to advertise or anything, but I think that clears up which one will make your life better. Take a bite out of Apple, its refreshing!

Two Parts

Who in the heck invented two-part questions? Seriously, what is the point of having two or more parts to a question? Is it just so that your teacher can assign you numbers 1-6 in the book and underneath each question is about 50 more questions? Sorry teach, it doesn't make you look any nicer.

I can't imagine the world if we all delivered multiple part questions. The press interviewing a politician would be something like - "Senator Goodman, What is your view on health care? Why is that your view on that? What or who inspired this view? Explain." Politicians have a hard enough time answering one, let alone 500 packed into one! So why students?

What about a criminal investigator interrogating a suspect under the heat lamp - "Alright Jonny, I want the answers and I want 'em fast. Where were you last Sunday? Why were you there? Who was there with you? What did you experience there? How did the experience affect you? Answer in complete sentences and explain you answer!"

Thats another thing I don't understand - the "Explain" part at the end of nearly every two-part question. By the time I encounter that part of the question series I feel like I've already explained it! For example, I recently took a test with this question "Do you believe someone with military discipline or a business politician would be better suited for being president? Why do you think that? Explain." Doesn't the "why" part of the question mean the same thing as explain? Honestly, I wish I just had a copy and paste button.

I guess we should just start asking multiple-part questions, it would take less time for us, and some teachers might rethink the way they write their tests. Just a thought.

Retards

Retards - A word that has been popping up in my vocabulary and many of those around me. It seemed to be the theme of my weekend.

I auditioned my way into the Honor Band Wind Symphony as four chair alto Saxophone and finally had the opportunity to participate in the band on Friday and Saturday at the University of Nevada Las Vegas (UNLV). My director, Dr. Michalski was a dear sweet man from Ireland and he was and is brilliant with music. The first thing he said to us when he stood in front of us is "Although I am delighted to be here, I am also quite eager to get home, you see, its my daughter's birthday on Monday..." and was interrupted by the band saying "AWWWWWWW!" to which he quickly responded - "But thats fine, she's retarded." I knew I was in for a good time and he didn't disappoint!
(Dr. Michalski)

I think my director set the theme for the weekend. It all started with an awkward couple - they HAD to make out with each other every time we had a break. They had to hug, or just touch each other awkwardly. My best bud, Dallin and I were just thinking the same thing about the situation - RETARDED! But that doesn't quite clearly define it. Thats more just annoying.

It was Friday, our main day for practicing for our honor band concert. Long rehearsals and lots of them. After all that, I think a guy can go to the bathroom on his break right? Nope! Some college kid comes in while I'm using the only urinal (in that bathroom out of about four in that one building!) and stops and says to his friends "Crap! Some kid is using the bathroom." and just walked out angrily. Dallin chimes in "Sorry about that.... He'll be done in a second... you cant wait!" But that kid will probably not use that bathroom ever again now that disgusting High Schoolers suddenly adapted to having bladders and need to use the bathroom every once in a while! Yes - Retarded!

After that break, it was bake to rehearsal. Rehearsal was probably where the word "retarded" eminated from for the weekend. After three sessions of three long hours it didn't take long to see the real side of some of the finest musicians in the state. In a song with a 2/2 meter, the tuba and basson section found themselves rushing, and the flutes may have actually been playing a little bit slow. Missing the concept of 2/2 didn't only happen to them however, Michalski desperately asked the whole band to count "one-two, one-two, one-two" as while the tuba, flute, and bassoon sections played their parts. Nearly every kid in the room said "one-" or "-two" on a different beat. Michalski's reaction "My daughter could count those two numbers in time when she was in retard class!!!" So finally the band became more unified in their counting but the afore mentioned sections never quite got it together in that particular rehearsal. Reaction: "I don't know who in the h***'s RETARDED but its someone in the bassoon or tuba section!"

Finally, our lunch break rolls around. Matt, Dallin, and I head to IN N' OUT Burger... perhaps nature was the determined factor that kept the theme of the weekend going. The first thing we encounter is a hyper dog with no leash. That wasn't half bad, next we found its owner - she had a cigar in one hand and was grabbing for the leash with another all the while yelling (at her dog, mind you) "Get back here ya F***-Face!" which would be followed by the most horrible coughs. *AchhhEIM! AchhhEIM!*. Further down the path to lunch an old man passes us. I can hear him saying something to himself from far away so I look for a sign of a bluthooth... no such luck. As we get closer I hear the man is actually singing out loud to himself, something about the U.S.A and had no idea where he was going. Immediately after that a raven pokes its head out over a lamp post and stares right at Dallin and practically shreeks at him. I don't know if it's very polite to say - but "retarded" was the first word to come to mind about all that... I blame Michalski.

Well, the rest of the time was characterized by mostly the same. Yelling directors, angry or insane people. But Mr. Michalski sure taught me a lot. He really was a nice and sensative guy. He told us we were better than most all-state bands. He eventually steered the atmosphere to a more touching one when we presented him with a couple of gifts and he told us how great we rehearsed. We put on a wonderful, 7 piece concert that night. On the last song, I saw a tear in the directors eye, which made me a little emotional too. It made me realize these opportunities of fun and uniquity don't come easy - and this was my last one! When the concert was over, I really felt I didn't belong there anymore... I was done being a student for the honor bands forever. I looked out at the new kids, from freshman to Junior and laughed inwardly. They thought they'd seen it all - some of them had three years left... I hope they are as good as mine were.